What am I

Steven Den Beste has a stimulating post on the nature of identity. He talks about how difficult it is to define what makes up our concept of self and how we have no concept of where that selfness resides. A number of years ago I suffered from manic-depression. I have memories of that period, I know what my thought processes were, but they are so alien to me that thinking back on that time is like observing someone else. I know that I was equally ‘alien’ to my family and friends. Later, I was able to break the manic-depressive cycle with lithium. While on lithium I was more myself, my thought processes were more logical and I understand them, but essential characteristics of my personality were absent. Thankfully I was able to stop taking the drug and have not had any problems for over a decade. This period of my life has made me aware how fragile our essential selfness is. Thought processes, moods, the entire core of our being can be dramatically altered by the presence or absence of a few chemicals. I am clearly not the person that I was when I was going through this episode. To a lesser degree I am not what I was before it, or even what I was yesterday. Moment by moment we die and are recreated usually we are very similar to what we are before, occasionally dramatically different.